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If you had known us 25 years ago, Dan, you would not have given us good odds.We'd been dating only a year and a half when we got engaged, and we'd known each other less than two years.I was deeply ashamed of my sexual interest even before my mother discovered my porn when I was 14 and told me I was a pervert that no decent woman would ever want.When I met my wife, our sex life was okay—but I was never fully present, because I would have to concentrate on my fantasies in order to sustain an erection. My wife knew I was masturbating in the middle of the night instead of having sex with her, and that led to some enormous fights.It helped that we shared some kinks and were both up for what we agreed would be a nice and mostly companionate marriage. Turns out he needed that emotional attachment to feel safe and secure enough to open up and relax and enjoy himself. All it took for the sex to get better was practice and paying attention to cues and solving problems.I strongly suspect that perseverance and a bit of luck were also major factors.It sounds cheesy, but marriage counseling really helped.

We didn't speak about it for a week, and then she calmly asked me if I wanted to do this with her instead of just watching porn about it. I have some physical ailments that can make sex painful.

We also have plenty of sex that isn't P in V, which takes the pressure off both of us.

I imagine you probably don't hear from folks like us because, in addition to being less likely, we don't have much to write in about. Counseling Helped Our Marriage Persist My sex life actually did get better after I married my partner.

And did they ever: My inbox is packed with e-mails from couples whose sex lives got better after the wedding. But we were both in our early 40s and ready to settle down.

I was a very experienced woman (five years as a swinger and partners numbering in the high double digits) when I first met the man who would become my husband. We also had an amazing friendship, and we were never as happy apart as we were together. We went from once a month to a couple times a week. It's not as frequent as it once was, but it's really good when we have it. Am I the first or the hundredth person to write in? I suspect you don't see it in your inbox very often because this isn't what most people would consider a problem and we don't want to waste your time!

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