He can sense that the person before him could well have an undiagnosed depression that has emptied him of all feeling.
Anhedonia is the cause of the desire to leave to find a new, more intense life.
Since depression is a condition that can vary from day to day, that active side of pain can be the driving motive.
But there is another dimension of depression that can lead to the idea of escape as the answer.
His relationship feels loveless because he can hardly feel at all.
The problem is that the unaware depressive has such a high threshold of feeling that it takes extreme arousal to evoke excitement and passion.
Fantasies of escaping into a life full of new intensity seem like the perfect answer to their inner emptiness.
In other words, being depressed can cause you to pay less attention to your partner, be less involved, be more irritable or have trouble enjoying time together–all of which can cause your relationship to falter. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 63: 919-927.
It’s baffling and shocking to see them turn into cold and blaming strangers.
After years of affection and intimacy, how can they suddenly declare that they don’t feel love, even worse, that they have never loved their partners at all?
I could only find happiness and passion with someone else.
It was the fantasy of the perfectly passionate mate that was a constant lure.