And if he isn’t ready to be thoughtful about these topics, it may be time for you to think about moving on.
A year is a pretty long time to invest in someone who’s afraid to move forward.
I know that our different religions is an obstacle, but I want them to be one that we can overcome.
To that end, when we started talking about marriage to each other, I brought up the “religion question,” but whenever I bring it up, he shuts it down or shrugs it off, saying that it doesn’t matter what religion you raise kids with, as long as you give them good morals.
Like your boyfriend, I’m much more concerned with the values and morals they’re instilled with, rather than the religious traditions they learn and practice along the way. If not, you need to be ready with a good argument why.
It doesn’t hurt that I also happen to have a lot of respect for Judaism — as much as I understand it, that is — and know now, even if I didn’t know the first day I met him, that Drew will be an amazing father and my kids would be lucky, lucky, lucky to have a dad like him. Once you’re certain about how you want to raise you kids, think about your wedding. This, more than raising kids, may be a more immediate concern for your boyfriend and could get him thinking about the larger picture.
I was raised Lutheran, though I don’t practice any religion at all now. So, I told Drew way before we got married that I was fine with raising our future kids Jewish — I’ll even take some Judaism classes before then — but the deal is he’s got to be the driver in that regard — I’ll be a passenger along for the ride — and we have to incorporate some of the cultural traditions that are important to me.
I can’t say for certain, but it may have even been on our first date that Drew said he was adamant about raising his children Jewish. In my mind, these are more cultural things than religious things, anyway. So, how do you and your boyfriend come to making similar agreements that work for you?
It won't work within a religious Catholic setting either really, whether the Catholic in question is male or female; at least not if they want to be married in the Church by a Catholic priest.I’m sure he thinks that now while he isn’t married and doesn’t have kids, but his tune could change when he realizes he wants his kids to have a Christmas tree and an Easter bunny as much as I want them to have Rosh Hashana and Passover.Or maybe he thinks that he can later convince me to go his way.I respected that he put that out there so early on, so that I could choose whether to invest in a relationship with him or not, knowing that that could be a deal-breaker. First, you need to know exactly what you want and what you’re willing to compromise on.Luckily, I couldn’t care less what religion my kids are raised in (as long as they get some sort of spiritual base). If your boyfriend, like me, is willing to raise your kids Jewish but wants them to have a Christmas tree, are you okay with that?